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In lieu of a finished legal text, we offer you the following philosophical text written by a person who is not a lawyer:

Our Products includes our flagship product and novelty item, the Flatus Flute^TM. Our Services are our website, FlatusFlute.com, and our presence on associated social accounts with services like Twitter and Google.
We ask you to respect our rights to the name and logo, and any graphic and content associated with our Products and Services.

Visiting our site is not a right, and we are not obligated to furnish any access to Products and Services to you, be that in part or full.

We reserve the right to our Freedom of Speech, by which we will say what we want. We think that we do not have any obligation to bend to the emotional state of a group or individual.
In plain english: If you do not like our Products or Services, leave.

We will pursue reasonable measures to block you from visiting our site if we feel that you have malicious intent towards us.